When is a blog not a blog? When it's a bunch of random items mired in a swamp. Hence the title. The accompanying picture is seen as through a glass lightly.
Scroll down for entries in reverse chronological order.
“Close the door! It’s cold in here.”
“Don’t you mean, ‘Close the door; it’s cold outside?’”
“Either way, close the door.“
“Which door do you mean?”
“What do you mean, ‘Which door do you mean?!’”
“There are three doors. Do you mean the closest door, the middle distance door, or the farthest away door?”
“Which door do you think I mean?!”
“I think you mean the farthest away door, but I mean to say, whichever door you mean, I can’t.”
“Can’t close the door.”
“Which?!… No, what?! Why not?!”
“I can’t close the closest door - the clothes closet door - or the middle distance door - the indoor upstairs door - because they are both already closed. I can’t close the farthest away door - the outdoor door - because it’s permanently ajar.”
“How did it become permanently ajar?”
“It became permanently ajar by being slammed against a jam in the jamb, which jarred it ajar and out of alignment.”
“Then short of reframing the door, let me reframe my request: Close the gap in the outdoor door!”
“I don’t know!… With clothes from the clothes closet, I suppose.”
“You mean from the closed clothes closet?”
“Yes, of course!”
“You want me to open the closest closed door, the one to the clothes closet, so I can close the open door by clothing it?”
“The only clothes in the clothes closet are socks.”
“Well, what else is in the closet?”
“There are hangers and jam jars and…”
“What else that might work?!”
“Bigger than socks?”
“Bigger than… No! How big?”
“Uh, maybe 45 inches by 40 yards… Depends on the cloth.”
“You’re talking about bolts of cloth!”
“Yes, of course.”
“Then just take any bolt!”
“Which one? There’s wool, there’s synthetic fleece, there’s denim…”
“Any one! Denim, for heaven’s sake!”
“Ah, you want a bolt out of the blue!”
“You set me up.”
We were going to have German bread for Christmas, but it was stollen.
Be thankful you don't have to perform these!
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all...
Until you come home and find feathers all over the place and on your dog’s muzzle
Though often preoccupied with puns, I’m sometimes post-occupied with what I call “uns”: words that should be opposites but aren’t or should have opposites but don’t. For example, the opposite of over is under, but why isn’t the opposite of under just der, and why don’t we call slacks and jeans derpants? I derstand why not.
Similarly, why isn’t ion the opposite of union or ction the opposite of unction or my father’s sister my cle?
On the other hand, whereas they say that opposites attract, sometimes I’m happy just to find that opposites exist, even if they may be unattractive. For example, I was gruntled to learn that gruntled IS the opposite of disgruntled.
You may ask why I use the term opposite rather than antonym. It’s because I like nyms and have only dain for them. I would never dis one.
Sometimes it’s not so clear cut. If a unicorn has one horn, then does an icorn have two horns or no horn? Same with unicycle, does an icycle have two wheels or no wheel? And at what lowered height-to-diameter ratio does a cylinder go from being a k to a disk?
In closing I have to ask that if, as I said some 60 years ago, a good pun is its own re-word, then does a good un go unre-worded? Or is that worded?
David Mudrick, with apologies to Fred Herring
September 6, 2020
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Tom Duck and Harry
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